I dared to compare my shoes!

So tonight I went to the opening of the second "Sex in the City" movie and it didn't disappoint. Afterwards, I was in the restroom with all of the younger, trendier moviegoers who opted for stylish outfits in honor of the movie. Of course, while in the stall, I contemplated (while looking at them on another pair of feet) buying a pair of the "very now" wedge sandals for myself and trading in my own shoe's attempts at being feminine Birkenstocks. Sigh. It's hard not to watch a movie with cutting edge style and be somewhat inspired to edge it up a bit. And don't get me wrong, I have plenty of classic pencil skirts and gorgeous heels, but I also have my old standbys, my birkenstocks and loafers.

But then I look in the mirror as I wash my hands and notice that I still look pretty good; younger and thinner than a week ago, in fact (Hey, maybe that diet is finally working!). And I'm sure that the younger girls in the trendy dresses I'm comparing myself to in the bathroom are also probably sizing me up as some young, mis-guided twenty-something who doesn't know a capri from a cargo pant. But alas, I'm in my mid-thirties and full of wisdom that allows me to care little what other people think of my dressed down option for movie night. And they probably don't realize that my trouser shorts and plum knit top are an outfit that I feel good wearing because even in my overweight state, it's a becoming outfit on my post-pregnancy body. They don't know that my husband would have loved to have been my date and the fourth male in the mostly female audience (pretty sure two of the three were gay) but he had to stay home because we couldn't get a babysitter. And even though he was dog tired from our three year old waking him up at 4:40am to help her blow her nose he still told me to go to the movie because he knew how much I wanted to see it on opening day.

It was a great movie and I related to so much more of it than I imagined. There was so much evolution in the characters with marriage and kids and how they still tried to hold onto their identities through it all. It was a very "I am woman, hear me roar!" type of movie and a celebration of friendship. And even though I absolutely loved being a part of their world again, I left the movie and that bathroom with such a quiet contentment of where I am in my life. I've grown so much in the past five months as a wife, mother and person. I've allowed myself to deserve breaks and time to myself. It took me awhile, but I got there. And I've grown in my friendships, too. I've created more depth with an entire array of women, from my very best friends to women I knit with but can't remember half of their names. I've listened to friends and strangers while nodding my head in understanding as they vented their problems. I've really grown to appreciate the connection within every level of friendship.

As I walked to my car, I was reminded how much I missed my own best friend tonight and wished that I could call her up and get a drink together. Unfortunately, she lives far away and has her own children to take care of(by herself). So I left her a message telling her how much I miss her and how the movie reminded me of our friendship and how lucky I am, blah, blah, blah. The great thing is that she won't even bat an eye over my sappy message. We've left plenty of those over the years for eachother. Of course, she'll laugh at my comparison to younger women in the bathroom and their shoes! And she'll be surprised and delighted that I even care to wear trendy wedge sandals over my comfy birkenstocks or loafers. And even though she's miles beyond me in the cool and trendy department, unconditionally, whatever I wear, whether it trendy or "predictable me," she'll think I'm the coolest thing ever! And people wonder why women identify so much with "Sex in the City" It's really not that hard to figure out.

Balance

Well, I'm back and attempting to post this blog before any distractions, such as my cat leaning over half of the keyboard hinting to be petted or that I really need to take my vitamins before bed, can deter me from my goal. Whew! I have been busy lately! Suddenly, I have a life and a very busy social calendar. I don't know, a few months ago I finally accepted that I deserved a life outside of momhood and boom, here it is!

As I've processed(and blogged) before, I was on my way to bitterville as I waited until the proper age of my two kids to be before I would allow myself some selfish moments, such as a new pair of shoes or a couple nights a week of activities. Well, I have now gone beyond being "cured" of my mommy martyrism and my social calendar is filled to the brim with events, activities and hobbies. Actually, I've always relished in being super busy and really, it's kind of my element. But I still have a 6 month old son, a 3 year old daughter and a 33 year old husband to coexist with and WANT to spend time with, so we are all trying to find a balance that works for us.

I recently took some golf lessons that really explained the proper foundations of your grip, swing, stance, etc, which is great for me because my confidence has shot through the roof in that area. And now I'm in this Tuesday night league for women which has me getting home pretty late, just in time to peek into my children's bedrooms as they lay sleeping and tonight, kneel on the floor next to my husband who is already in bed and turning a "goodnight" chit chat into a "goodnight conversation!" We ended up talking about this temporary chaos that we're currently living in, and how we're often tagteaming so the other can get some recharging time. Sometimes we snap at eachother because of lack of sleep or other frustrations and how we're trying to fit about a million things into a single day! I'm pretty sure we're not the only ones out there experiencing this either! Luckily, I felt closer to him after our talk and remembered that we are partners in all this, something we remind eachother of often.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say or if there's a purpose to this post. But I'm here as a mother, trying to balance all of my superhero multitasking skills with my non-mothering interests. And balance is again the goal when I try to fit in my mom duties with my "me time" activities and my "husband time." But most importantly, there's luckily a balance that both my husband and I are striving for in our relationship, which is really the most important one in this family. Because we are the foundation that our entire family is based on and from whom our children will learn the traditions and memories that they will pass onto their families. That's a tall order of responsibility! So anyway, mushy or not, whatever you take from this, we're all maintaining a balance by struggling, reconnecting, recharging, searching for our own identity and searching for the best way to love. And at times, it seems really hard. But if you think about it, it's the best way to realize you're living.