Well, here I am, sitting in a stereotypical coffee shop and writing on my blog. When did I get so predictable? This is actually my first time writing in this environment, but it is interesting to see the different demographics in the room. There's the large group in the corner with a tired looking woman breastfeeding her baby (thankfully, this act is discreetly covered with a cloth!); the multi-generational threesome of an obvious mother, daughter and grandmother, which is rather sweet; the duo of mother and daughter, but the mother looks about the same age as the daughter in her manner of dress and hair, with the exception of wisdom framing her eyes as she lectures her daughter; and lastly, the group of teenagers that are too young to drink daily stimulants such as lattes but instead sit in a group not so much conversing as playing on their phones in each other's presence.
On that subject, I really don't feel as if that much time has passed since high school until I see these kids. "These Kids!"-yep, I'm officially old. But I can't relate anymore. Who'd have thought that when my best friend and I were in grade school, we were super cool because of our oversized eye glasses! Now, kids purposefully wear these large prescriptionless specs as something of a cool pass. Is it an homage to Justin Beiber's babyface style? Next, the little initial stickers will return with a stylish vengeance and grace the lower corners of the clear lenses, too. Hey, I was very proud of my "FM" adorned glasses in third grade, or as much as one could be of wearing glasses and still hoping that Michael J Fox would someday fall in love with me even though I wore glasses. Now, big glasses are a calling card.
Another thing I can't seem to relate to is how selfish they appear to be. I mean, kids are naturally selfish, it's part of the development of the psyche, but to watch these three teenagers playing tossing games on the table with their cell phones is hard to watch. Even one of the girls is trying to knock the lone male's phone out of his hand and onto the floor as he is texting or surfing or whatever he's doing. I keep looking up from my typing and cringing because of the constant "smack," "thud" and giggling coming from their tables. Sheesh! I can't believe how they're treating their expensive phones. Let's just say that I waited until I was 36 to get an I-Phone and if it breaks, my mom isn't going to buy me another one!
It just seems so different than when I was a kid. I knew the value of a dollar and that you had to work for what you had. (Insert, "These young whippersnappers!" anywhere in here.) I knew what my parents, grandparents and great-grandparents worked for and how that made them thankful for what they had to give future generations. Our histories as families and a country are invaluable resources for guiding us to build future generations full of creativity, character and perseverance. Those traits are what I hope to inspire in my own children, too. It's a huge responsibility to be a parent and a huge opportunity also.
Now I do see the irony that probably 30 years ago, plenty of others were having these same feelings of worry, concerned about the future of the younger generation and these concerns are a natural rite of passage as a parent. But the difference is that it was a much simpler time when I was a kid, it really was! Days were filled with Beverly Cleary library books, absent of handheld computers for the young masses and more opportunities for creativity, such as toys that didn't need to be plugged in. I knew how to sit in a waiting room without a smartphone and skim a magazine or drive on a long car trip without a DVD player and only my imagination to entertain me. Like I said, a simpler time.
So as I climb down from my sudden soapbox, I sigh with the realization that my family's example of character, creativity and perseverance won't be lost as they continue to age. Because I'm here and it's my job to walk the walk that they have taught me. So I guess I'll keep walking.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Decorators, need not apply!
So do you ever have that compulsion to suddenly move the furniture from one side of the room to the other? Or sit for a long, long time on the couch just looking around the room, thinking about how you could make it better, as in a new paint color? Or on the practical side, the functionality of the furniture arrangement is just "off" and you must change it! Now I know the men out there are thinking that we women are just bored and need a project, but that's really not true. We actually are striving to put forth a vision that we see so clearly in our minds, but it takes a few (or 10) different room arrangements to finally breathe that sigh of contentment; perfect design. Believe it or not, this post is not about decorating. Actually, I'm not quite sure which direction it's going, but I'll get there eventually. (smile)
Lately, as in the past couple of weeks, I've been contemplating life choices and consequences from those choices and wondering if I always would have had the experiences I've had from the consequences of those choices. Wow! My mind's really spinning, huh?! Don't worry, although we've all had our personal challenges (some more than others), I'll refrain from any specifics on mine and try and keep this light. As many have asked before me, here's the big question: Am I where I am in life because of my choices or in spite of them? Does God just sit back and know that you're going to take the wrong path, but later will guide you back to your future? I can think of many answers, but which one justifies my mistakes? I know, I know, I said I'd keep this light!
So as I spontaneously decided to move my office/guest room around, I felt this surge of energy, even when I was cleaning up the dead rolly pollys from behind the bed (because yes, I'd know they were still there even after putting the bed back!). And even when I was lifting ridiculously heavy drawers to the other end of the room, I still felt that energy. I could move mountains with that energy. I was taking control of the room and making it function better. And from that, I was going to be more productive in my work and the energy was flowing! Thinking of it another way, I was redesigning the room. Maybe that's how we women work; after receiving a ton of criticism from others and ourselves, we always need to talk and process through our experiences. We ponder over what happened, why and how we'll get out of it and then we analyze our thoughts from every direction, go into a sort of self-analysis and gain insight. And then, we can finally function. We have then, redesigned our lives. Kind of like a room arrangement; only with less fabric.
So I was finally seeing the vision of this room and knowing how to create it; yes, through furniture arrangement! Laugh if you want, but this is a straight metaphor to my earlier questions. Sometimes it takes a few, or 10, paths to finally see a room's vision, just like in life. And boy, are there going to be mistakes and wrong decisions along the way, but eventually, you'll see it! It's kind of like Edison when he was criticized for failing 3,000 experiments before he discovered electricity; he said that he had not failed, but discovered 3,000 ways that wouldn't work. So even with all of my choices in life that I've referred to as "mistakes," I need to remind myself of what I have gained from those experiences. I have figured out 3,000 paths not to take and a whole lot of vision along the way.
Lately, as in the past couple of weeks, I've been contemplating life choices and consequences from those choices and wondering if I always would have had the experiences I've had from the consequences of those choices. Wow! My mind's really spinning, huh?! Don't worry, although we've all had our personal challenges (some more than others), I'll refrain from any specifics on mine and try and keep this light. As many have asked before me, here's the big question: Am I where I am in life because of my choices or in spite of them? Does God just sit back and know that you're going to take the wrong path, but later will guide you back to your future? I can think of many answers, but which one justifies my mistakes? I know, I know, I said I'd keep this light!
So as I spontaneously decided to move my office/guest room around, I felt this surge of energy, even when I was cleaning up the dead rolly pollys from behind the bed (because yes, I'd know they were still there even after putting the bed back!). And even when I was lifting ridiculously heavy drawers to the other end of the room, I still felt that energy. I could move mountains with that energy. I was taking control of the room and making it function better. And from that, I was going to be more productive in my work and the energy was flowing! Thinking of it another way, I was redesigning the room. Maybe that's how we women work; after receiving a ton of criticism from others and ourselves, we always need to talk and process through our experiences. We ponder over what happened, why and how we'll get out of it and then we analyze our thoughts from every direction, go into a sort of self-analysis and gain insight. And then, we can finally function. We have then, redesigned our lives. Kind of like a room arrangement; only with less fabric.
So I was finally seeing the vision of this room and knowing how to create it; yes, through furniture arrangement! Laugh if you want, but this is a straight metaphor to my earlier questions. Sometimes it takes a few, or 10, paths to finally see a room's vision, just like in life. And boy, are there going to be mistakes and wrong decisions along the way, but eventually, you'll see it! It's kind of like Edison when he was criticized for failing 3,000 experiments before he discovered electricity; he said that he had not failed, but discovered 3,000 ways that wouldn't work. So even with all of my choices in life that I've referred to as "mistakes," I need to remind myself of what I have gained from those experiences. I have figured out 3,000 paths not to take and a whole lot of vision along the way.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Am I a Bad Mother?
I find myself being pulled in a lot of different directions lately. In addition to my already tonnage of hobbies and commitments, I have a small business that I am trying to maintain and a marriage that I try to nurture. Amazingly, what seems to send me over the edge(sometimes) is the Bonnie and Clyde partnership of my two young children. The former are things that I do for myself and to keep a sense of my identity. The latter is a period of the day that I've decided is purely there to test me.
I was always prepared for children, but without closely-aged siblings of my own, I was unprepared for the natural feeding-off-of-each other that occurs between a 2 and 4 1/2 year old. "Mommy, Juice!," "Mommy, more cookies please!," "Mommy, Harrison took my doll!," "Mommy, can I ______?!" "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" These commands are usually screamed within 3 seconds of each other or just as I am sitting down to finally eat my own meal. Now, I know it's not on purpose and eventually, they'll outgrow it, but children are naturally selfish. It's official, I am a woman with a masters degree, but in my children's eyes, I am merely a housekeeper that they refer to as "Mommy."
Now comes the bad part: What if I want to be selfish? What, then? I can't tell you how many people have frowned at the idea of moms needing a break. I admit it, some days I need a break, (some days I need several!), so I'll go to a movie or try on countless unnecessary purses at the department store or even travel for a weekend visit to see friends. And it doesn't mean that I love my children any less; actually, it helps me be a better mother because I've added my own needs to the list. It's important to recharge your batteries by reading a book, writing, reflecting, expressing and allowing yourself some self discovery beyond motherhood. So does this make me a bad mother? Maybe in some people's eyes.
Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful for my babies, but moms have to give up alot when raising families. There's alot of yourself and your dreams that you put on hold and other parts of you that you worry will no longer be there once your children are grown and no longer need you. Plus, there is the common and ignorant theory out among society that every female has only the life goal of reproducing and once this is achieved, she can cook and clean to her heart's content! I'm sure some moms are aghast at my bold comments, but day in and day out of meeting everyone else's demands and maybe during a 5 day spread you'll get a tiny shred of your own needs in, it begins to wear on you!
So here I am, doing little more than venting and ready to be openly criticized for wanting just as much for myself as I do for my family. Because in the end, I'm still me and I want my little worker bees to see that "Mommy" didn't give up on herself and that I always kept trying to improve. You know, that will probably be one of the most important lessons I can teach them, to be true to themselves and always try. So yep, just like all moms, I've got alot going on, and boy, am I not perfect! But I'm a hard worker and right now I'm working hard to be a good mother, a good wife and a good dreamer.
I was always prepared for children, but without closely-aged siblings of my own, I was unprepared for the natural feeding-off-of-each other that occurs between a 2 and 4 1/2 year old. "Mommy, Juice!," "Mommy, more cookies please!," "Mommy, Harrison took my doll!," "Mommy, can I ______?!" "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" These commands are usually screamed within 3 seconds of each other or just as I am sitting down to finally eat my own meal. Now, I know it's not on purpose and eventually, they'll outgrow it, but children are naturally selfish. It's official, I am a woman with a masters degree, but in my children's eyes, I am merely a housekeeper that they refer to as "Mommy."
Now comes the bad part: What if I want to be selfish? What, then? I can't tell you how many people have frowned at the idea of moms needing a break. I admit it, some days I need a break, (some days I need several!), so I'll go to a movie or try on countless unnecessary purses at the department store or even travel for a weekend visit to see friends. And it doesn't mean that I love my children any less; actually, it helps me be a better mother because I've added my own needs to the list. It's important to recharge your batteries by reading a book, writing, reflecting, expressing and allowing yourself some self discovery beyond motherhood. So does this make me a bad mother? Maybe in some people's eyes.
Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful for my babies, but moms have to give up alot when raising families. There's alot of yourself and your dreams that you put on hold and other parts of you that you worry will no longer be there once your children are grown and no longer need you. Plus, there is the common and ignorant theory out among society that every female has only the life goal of reproducing and once this is achieved, she can cook and clean to her heart's content! I'm sure some moms are aghast at my bold comments, but day in and day out of meeting everyone else's demands and maybe during a 5 day spread you'll get a tiny shred of your own needs in, it begins to wear on you!
So here I am, doing little more than venting and ready to be openly criticized for wanting just as much for myself as I do for my family. Because in the end, I'm still me and I want my little worker bees to see that "Mommy" didn't give up on herself and that I always kept trying to improve. You know, that will probably be one of the most important lessons I can teach them, to be true to themselves and always try. So yep, just like all moms, I've got alot going on, and boy, am I not perfect! But I'm a hard worker and right now I'm working hard to be a good mother, a good wife and a good dreamer.
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