Lost and Found

You know it’s really easy to lose yourself nowadays. I’m the 34 year old parent of a 3 month old and an almost 3 year old and like so many moms out there, I lose myself all the time. You sacrifice television programs or music you’d like to listen to and instead, the theme song to Wow, Wow Wubsy is a regular anthem in your house. I remember, before I had children someone was referencing some childrens tv show that I’d never heard of and I felt so righteous in saying with a sneer, “Sorry, I have no idea what you’re talking about” and also thinking “ because I have my own life." Harsh, I know, but it’s honestly what I was thinking. I couldn’t understand how you could let yourself get so run by your child’s interests. Now honestly, my husband and I are pretty good about trying to maintain balance and not giving in to every desire of our daughter’s but you still end up with your life heavily influenced by your child’s life. And believe me, at age 3, you are so instrumental in sculpting and teaching them that it’s ludicrous to suggest your life wouldn’t be heavily influenced by your kids.

Like so many lost souls, I'll get up and do the 25 tasks (or attempt to do them) in the first 4 hours of the day, along with attending to the needs of my children, which yes, includes the cat. And day after day, I no longer see myself, but a shell of who I thought I would be. Now, I’m not trying to write about how hard it is to be a parent and I’m the only one that’s dealing with any of this. No, that’s insulting to other parents and to those that don't have children. Who am I to say what's hard for some people and why it is or isn't hard based on whether they have kids? But I can vouch for myself in saying that it's been hard! Being a parent is such a selfless responsibility that you really need to give yourself "you" back and go and recharge your batteries. The wonderful thing is that in doing so you will eventually find yourself again and the inevitable cycle will repeat itself again next week.

Because I have a wonderfully understanding husband, I often get the chance to go find myself for an evening (or weekend if I'm lucky). I have found myself on a Saturday afternoon, driving around town and listening to "Whatta Know" or "Garrison Keillor" on NPR. I don't know why I get comfort in the dry wit of those shows but I do. It could be that they remind me of growing up with my parents and appreciating the variety show/theatre/storyteller aspect that accompanied most of our entertainment. You know, comfort radio. While braving the sea of endless January potholes and deciding which stores will visually stimulate me the most, I'll get a drive-thru coffee or smoothie. If it's my second coffee of the day, I'll be Stuck in a standstill in the parking lot between Crane Coffee and Juice Stop, as I decide to ingest more caffeine knowing that in doing so I'll risk a fussy baby later (joys of breastmilk!). But still, the allure of a latte!

However my search goes, be it a long distance conversation with a best friend or discovering a new singer that suddenly puts you "back in the know!" of society, it's a part of yourself that you've reconnected with and those creative juices flowing again are yours and yours, alone. Key word being "yours." See? Found again!